I did not know what to expect going into this book. I knew it was a collection of nonfiction interviews with trans teens, but I was not aware that it also included interviews with their parents and also trans children as young as 5. Now I am fairly 'woke' as the kids say-my partner is trans, almost no one in my closest friendship circle is cis or straight so I am fairly aware of at least a few examples of trans experiences. However, even I was taken aback at the thought of a 5 year old who identified as trans. And that is precisely why this book is needed. I quickly realised my discomfort was entirely due to lack of exposure. Every trans person I know talks of knowing they were trans at a young age. Why should it be surprising kids at a young age know they are trans?
This book was amazing for so many reasons beyond simple education. Never before have I read so many POSITIVE narratives of coming out as trans, of being accepted by parents and peers alike. Is this a universal experience? No, of course not. But it was so lovely to hear that some kids do come out and their parents try hard and as a result, they have a positive experience and live without the fear of not being accepted. This is a story rarely told and it needs to be. It doesn't undermine the negative experiences but instead could offer hope to a child struggling with the decision to live as their true selves.
I genuinely think every parent should read this book. Regardless whether your kid is trans or not, this book had so many meaningful quotes from parents that I think apply to many scenarios. I'm going to include some of my favourites below but be aware I did read an unfinished ARC so I can't speak for the final version.
'You never get a second chance at a first reaction. Put unconditional love first. Anything else can be worked out later.'
'It's not about you, it's only about the child.'
'That's not an easy life. Why would anyone choose it unless there was no other way?' (about being trans being seen as a phase)
'If people stopped making 'trans' such a big decision, it would have made my decision easier and more valid.'
The kids had plenty of important things to say as well which I'm sure will resonate with many people, but personally for me it was the parents that both surprised and stuck with me. I know the trans people in my life are amazing but sadly the stories of accepting parents are harder to find. Maybe this book will be tough to read if you are trans and your parents/family are not so accepting, but overall this book just filled me with joy. As I said, I think all parents should read it and honestly all people. We can all always learn more and own voices books are the places to start.
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