A Beautiful Wedding by Jamie McGuire

Okay, I am now utterly convinced that Jamie McGuire has come to her senses and realised what a terrible thing she has created in these romance books. Because that's the only way I can explain how ridiculous this is.

'It was full of thought. A heavy, thoughtful thought that made me think heavier, thoughtful thoughts. But not second thoughts.'

Is this deliberately silly in an attempt to be humorous? Or just terrible? I'm inclined to go with the latter.

'Adrenaline burst from where adrenaline bursts from'

Yep, definitely terrible writing.

Okay, so this is the book which retcons Abby and Travis's awful decision to get married out of love and instead makes it an awful decision to get married so Travis won't go to prison for the fire in the last book. Because you know, that totally makes sense. This is basically just 96 pages of drivel about their wedding and I think the author knows it. What makes me think that? Well, there are just odd details which seem...off. Like Travis makes a big deal out of getting an Elvis impersonator for their wedding and actually describes having one as being 'classy'. And the colour scheme for said wedding is purple and freaking orange. I'm pretty sure by this point, Jamie McGuire is openly screwing with her readers to see how much crap she can get away with.

All of the things which made the last books so terrifying are still here. Mommy issues!

“I saw pictures of my parents’ wedding. I thought Mom was the most beautiful bride I’d ever see. Then I saw you at the chapel, and I changed my mind.”

Intense, disturbingly unhealthy jealousy!

'I shook my head. “We don’t go to clubs without each other. She wouldn’t do that.”'

'She’d left the day before, and that was the first time we’d been apart since we’d been married.' 

They've been together a year at this point.

'Griffin placed the transfer onto my skin and pressed. Travis looked like he wanted to kill him for touching me.'

The guy in that last one is a tattoo artist by the way. Yep, she's having his name tattooed onto her and he's still jealous.

Oh god, I am so done with these books. I'm not sure what else I can say except for the fact I've read three of them now and all three are the same story. Not even in a technical way, I mean literally the same story. Thank god there aren't any more of them because I don't think I could handle another.

Also, what the hell happened to their dog? This particular plot device doesn't even get a single mention which means I can only assume it perished horribly in the fire and completely missed out on the whole vapid wedding.

Lucky thing.

Overall Score:

Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Hey look, it's the sequel no one wanted!

Actually no, the word 'sequel' is far too kind. It's more like 'Hey look, it's the rehashing of the first story no one wanted which is basically identical in every way!'. I read this book mostly out of curiosity, prepared to give it the same meh review I gave the first one. But this book has made me angry.

Walking Disaster is essentially Beautiful Disaster told from Travis's point of view. At first I was sort of hopeful. Maybe he won't seem so crazy and abusive if it's told from his POV. But dear god, I actually think it manages to do the impossible and make it worse.

In my review of the first one I didn't really go into detail about what exactly made their relationship so dysfunctional. Now though I am far too pissed to let things slide.

 This relationship is so messed up. This book begins with a scene of Travis's mother dying in which her last words are basically 'Find someone you love and fight for them'. These words then essentially cause Travis to lose his shit completely whilst pursuing Abby, convinced that 'fighting' translates to being an utter douchebag. One paragraph at the end of the book describes how he feels at peace once him and Abby are married since he has finally done exactly what his mother wanted him to. That is not wanting to follow good advice from a dying parent, that's a terrifying obsession. There is also some very uncomfortable Freudian-esque subtext here which is followed up later. The way Travis and his family talk about Abby, it's pretty clear they consider her a replacement mother. If that doesn't make your skin crawl then don't worry, there's plenty of other stuff which will.

Travis falls into that classic Madonna-Whore complex thing. Every girl in the world is a slut (or as he calls them, 'vultures') because she sleeps with him, with the exception of Abby of course. This brings us to the origin of Abby's nickname 'Pigeon' which believe me, is frigging hilarious.

'I decided a long time ago I would feed on vultures until a dove came along. A pigeon.'

Dear god, this whole thing is nonsensical. It's painfully obvious this was just shoehorned in to try and explain the nickname and it doesn't make a lick of sense. I could maybe swallow it if he called her 'dove' but he just jumps from dove to pigeon with zero logic. Better yet, he uses this weird comment with his dad later on who instantly understands despite no explanation.

Travis is a hypocrite. Of course he's allowed to ogle Abby and constantly talk about how beautiful/sexy/desirable she is. Heaven forbid any other guy who does it though because clearly they just want to get into her pants whereas his feelings are TRUE LOVE!

'I imagined Parker noticing her soft, shiny skin as I had, but with less appreciation and more salaciousness.'

Guess what else? Abby and Travis don't practice safe sex. It's okay though because if you do it a certain time after your period then you totally can't get pregnant, no siree!

All this book succeeds in doing is making Travis look even more insane than he did in the first one. Essentially every thought he has is about Abby. He's constantly jealous and aggressive, and every time she isn't with him the man can barely function enough to put on clothes. He brings her to a fight because he can't stand the thought of her being away from him for two seconds and yet then spends the whole time worried she's going to get hit on by some other guy. THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC, THIS IS A SIGN OF SERIOUS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS.

Overall, the story is exactly the same as the first time round. The fire which was the 'big ending' of the first book gets completely brushed over, almost as though the author realised how stupid it was but was already too heavily invested to stop. There's a godawful prologue tacked on where Travis is a secret service agent and they have twins and dear god, I couldn't care less. There is one more novella which I may power through out of sheer curiosity but trust me when I say this series is better left alone. Anyone who thinks Travis is a perfect love interest needs professional help.

Overall Score:

Panic by Lauren Oliver

People will do anything for money. That is essentially what this book wants us to swallow and fair enough, I can accept its general premise. Panic tells the story of two competitors in a game called 'Panic' where the teenagers of the town must complete ridiculously dangerous tasks in order to have the chance of winning $50,000+. Don't be tricked by the blurb, this is nothing like The Hunger Games. This is a story grounded in reality and the players all choose to take part, rather than being forced into it.

Our protagonists are Heather and Dodge, each taking part for their own personal reasons. Heather starts off in a bad place emotionally and joins in an attempt to make her life more exciting whilst Dodge is playing in order to get revenge for his sister who took part a few years prior. Both characters are fairly likable I guess but they seem rather distant. Maybe that's just down to the third person narration combined with the fact that their emotions aren't explored particularly effectively.

The tasks themselves are certainly dangerous enough and quite creative really. I do find it hard to accept that such a dangerous game would not only continue for so long but be supported by almost everyone in the town. It's made clear that people getting seriously injured and even dying is a common occurrence and yet very few actually voice any objections. And those that do tend not to stick to their opinion.

Mass apathy aside, what other problems are there with this book? Well, I didn't like the ending. Everything was tied up far too quickly and it was all a bit neat for my liking. Also the fact that Dodge was perfectly willing to commit murder and was only prevented from doing so through force didn't sit well with me. Are we still supposed to root for this guy and be glad he had a happy ending?

Overall, Panic is an okay book. There are elements of it I really liked and it was interesting enough to be worth reading. It didn't blow me away though and honestly, I can't say I really cared all that much about the characters. If I'd been more connected to them then I think I would have loved it but otherwise, it just missed the mark.

Overall Score:

.5